Love's hope, re-examined...when it looked, so perfect,. Post-Valentine,

from the week of Parshat Tetzevah~honoring Cohenim //
ending 16 Feb 08
now( so-called) & a post-Valentine post, out~loud wondering , in part(s)
I - XVIII ; living alive . . . .

I.
I guess that all that I can say, is : Lovely.
or Lov~Li, My love or love ( is) me.
But still, way too early
to speak of such things,
except perhaps, in summary,
as appropriate, since we are still in the Overturn,
as stated,
with some regret

OR, you may be correct.

Yet, how I do wonder,
how you say you can feel
with your gut (oh yes, no lack of nerve endings)
and, no doubt , even you, have felt the flutters,
despite >2 hours/day in practice & preparation
{{so I wonder, as an aside, what for,
if not for the Now, for the extra mile, then for What?? and When??}}

But, what, indeed?
in Truth, EMES or EMETT,
Based on what we've written?
not even blush nor fiber, admitted,
no blue -- pink
transition
of litmus
paper

But, yet, you plainly state,
that,
you believe ( !! )
with
no other referents,
with

nothing

but these printed words,
as expressive as they may be,
what you de-clare: 'No' chemistry.
.... when it is physics
that you say you admire, and studied?
micro- , electro- , mechanical, astro-
acoustics?

II.
Here! Hear!!
not black on white, but spectral
colour! multi-dimensioned
simultaneous equations,
& the splash of paint,
in sound
captured. . . .

when not a word was formed between us
since we halted before hearing
one another, not a note played,
pity, our ears.

But, again,
if you are so strongly convinced,
then
shall we, yes,
just ,
or not.
Let It Be
done
with

III.
May be, that it is
my error:
enthusiasm exceeeding judgment?
since , if you had not ejected,
when still with toe on ground
aborted the flight,
missed the aerial view,
worth the seeing,
avoided the heights
then,
if, Yes, it might have been me
who might in future find
that I might have to
fake a smile
{{would I?!? could I!?! for shalom bayit!!!}}
IFF, I hated your painting ((G()d forbid)),
and found your walls
were plastered with it

aargh

For me, without even so much
as a phone call,
to hear and gauge each other's voice
the soul's window
the cadence of breath

Pray tell: how can you be so sure
as to blankly dismiss
the very possibility
of an 'us'?
with so much (evidence)
wanting,
so much
yet to explore?

IV.
From another perspective
Consider that
Every day, We say out loud
to ourselves and to G()d
morning after morning, as close to dawn; Shachris:
Thank You for making me a Yehudi
Thank you father Abraham, Avraham Aveinu,
for persisting, so much, that G()d noticed you
above and beyond every other human
who lived and those who had died.
&, Since it is for this reason,
so it is stated: your realization
and breaking of idols, of graven images
that we are Jews,
ancestral chosen,
to covenant cleaving
AMV, Ad Meir Ve'eesrim,
Who would rather die,
than be prevented
from resting
on
Shabbat or Shabbas.

tested, once, and again,
and more often
than one ordinary life
may hope to
endure

V.
and there-in lies the chamsa l'chamsa~
two-hands
in mirror-image
right-and-left held together,
united, a tenor
of the realisation,
a reason in this, our,
understanding:

that no one of us alone,
no single Jew, no matter how much a tzaddik
can fulfill all 613 mitzvote,
For this body of completion,
for that
we each need each other,
and backwards and forwards in time, space,
and form

VI.
and more: the Oral Law:
To live a life of Living Judaism:
To Be T/here,
to Be Present,
to be free to explore
and to be
accounted for,

to hear while you are playing
suffused into the sound's
nourishment
one with the instrument,
getting close to pure vessel
for the Sound of The Music
(pre)conceived
as if
angelic
upon which
Hashem
forged this Universe
with love
with chesed
with intent
Shook Out chaos
parsed its
silence roaring
to make a world
to create us
enlighted by
Torah
called manual of Life,
OEM instruction book

to build us human beings
B'tzelem elokim
balanced Chachma
with Binah
to arrrive at Da'at.
aleph ~ ayin
dancing
Absolute Good,
with the possibility
(shunned , by Free Will)
of Evil

hence to center
Chesed & Gvorah
to arrive
in the middle,
perfect, symmetrical,
harmoniousdynamic,
Tiferet.

Same with Netzach and Hod,
elevated and grounded,
to Yesod,
upon which
Malchute
dor l'dor
inspired, aroused
to fill, shake,
rise, protect
and shelter.
{{ - - deserving more
explanation;
later;
promise - - }}

VII.
OK. I admit, that , yes,
so much of the(your) p'shat
your profiled features
piqued my curiosity,
OK, my interest,
OK, yes,
above many others,
and I loved our initial dynamic
encounter
albeit unbreathed,
an air of excitement,
sparkling with reality,
which , by some of your later remarks,
that I allowed to stand uncorrected,
frankly, an eerror on my part, that
may have been the seed,
wherein//therein
lies your concerns about my unreliability,
Chas vChalilah, Chas vShalom

And the promise of landing,
didn't,
was downed on your side,
by intercedance
before embarking,
by not
taking off.

But, most of all,
above all else

what it was

was about being worthy,
being meant for each other
about The Dream
to be (again, for both of us,)
foreground in
The Continuing Story,
the tikkun,
OLAM
walking the talk
, among the tribes of Yehuda,
Yosef, Levy,
(and Aaron~Kehuna)

Upright, responsible, whole,
soloists, singing,

reliable and on cue
speaking parts,
perfected beings, following the script
in duet
solo
supported
to have you,
My captain! Oh captain!
for our ship
at sea, flying before the wind
or, at anchor, in port,
ever able to soar with art
and navigate
the stars,
with science

United as one with Hashem: a man of G()d and his woman
in (mo0ments of perfection), in covenantal Love
the living Judaism
promise
fulfilled.

But this conclusion,
with no true (attempt at) exploration
let alone discovery!
let alone insight!
shows me my weakness,
Hope
and
how foolish it is,
of me, how easy to be tricked
by what could otherwise
be just a flash of teeth in smile,
or for others, blue eyes, or a perfect nose,
not to be judgmental.

VIII.
Yet, once more and, above it all,
lets me be,
me,
grateful
for having been
born
a Jewess
steeped
in our Judaic heritage
grand-daughter of a blue-eyed Cantor!
famous young uncle violinist
child prodigy
who played for the Tzar
back in the Old Country,
which alas
did not save him.
I never met him in this life .
as he died, typhus
, in the crossing, to America,
one small coffin
a generation of broken hearts
unknown even to themselves
feeling somehow unrequited
while (un)conscious of the loss

IX.
So, from talent to scholarship,
as from the beginning
cleaving to Truth,
shunning the tricks,
the obvious,
the shallow,
veneer, pshat

Our love of intelligence, of the holy mehfarshim,
those learned, of gemmorha, The Commentaries,
living scholars, the mettim waiting, for Meshiach
the reason that Hashem ,
, G()d ,
of all
and everything and more,
Why He breathed Life and free will,
into Judaic Law,
Halacha ,
wrote it into historical narrative, Torah,
levels of organization, analysis
, imbued with wisdom,
filled with clues//remez
hidden//sod
to deceive
the ill intended

X.
included an Executive Summary,
set of Ten Commandments
the entre to all:
a chamsa between Him and us ,
a chamsa, for behaviour
amongst ourselves,

Then, sent us out with a few candles
to Light Unto Nations

XI.
Which proves once more,
that His love of the music,
of the shir l'shirim
recognized by Rabbi Akiva as the single holiest song
recited by women on Friday nights,
while the men go off to daven

that what lives through us,
through our acceptance
and the continuence
that, this is the greatest
joy of Hashem ,

XII.
Though rare, O so rare, is the musician
, Hamelach David...???...HAH!!!...
who does
not fall prey
to his own melodiousness.

So yes, if my vivace or allegro disturb your andante
,,, perhaps it does mean that we are intended
not to exist
in the same,
but in separate
compositions.

If your abstract art, stops,
at the footstool of your piano,
or if, perhaps,
my lento and largoisms(sic~sci)
in
song-of-sound,
fusing with the fabric of the hearing space,
perceptually invisible, but perceptively felt!

Known only to those male musicians
who are meant to know
who it is singing, behind the invisible mechitzsa,
that sound barrier for women
to rely on men

If, this would disturb, rather than enliven you,
[[horrible thought, gives me shivers, put
apart,
so that we would remain
flat surfaces to each other,
in profile, all ways]]

Then, better off on
different continents
even to be actively avoided.

If you think that I move accelerando
when you are trying for ritardando,
then perhaps we should decide
to try a different medium,
to tap out in dance
rather than in type!
as it would be appropriate, if , when , . . if . . .
to test our feet
to test our mettle.

XIII.
. . . Or, maybe, my glimpses, and your description,
are more deceptive, than revealing,
Or, could it be that you have read
just the blurb of 'Pride and Prejudice'?

Yet, , perhaps,
No, always: to give
the benefit of the doubt,
to seek
an alternative
hypothesis:
Might it be something all together different?
that, perhaps,
you are so "laid back"
with a child's artic on a summer day,
enjoying the air
sweetened by the aroma of cut grass,
photosynthesis
exposed to our sense of smell,
by cell
walls broken
, New York State forest,
black humus rich

Might it be , that your incline,
angles you,
not to see straight?!?
. albeit Up,
into the clouds;

XIV.
So, Bless you!

once more

&
not for me or mi,
to say, or see, or si,
since, I am in No Way Convinced
that we are B'Sheert....

Although, I do take the Signs seriously,
knowing the import, of being mistaken,
and that ours is a G()d
of vengeance and din
Who takes not what lightly,
Who is Perfection

Yet Who chose to speak with Avraham, who gave dreams to Yosef
who bargained through Moshe, for our continued existence,
and his brother, the elder, Aaron who lost his sons, not all
Who gave us sainted ones, an arc, a temple in exquisite detail
Who appeared to millions at Sinai,
Who imbued our animal bodies made from earth, adama
with a soul divine, Adam, contained and held, temporarily
Who wrote Torah in holy form, rooted language, above,
to follow, to learn from
to show us how to live Exalted on this Earth
in love seeking in each other
sanctified fulfillment, holy matrimony

Who did return Life to Earth, after the Flood,
an example of forgiveness, forever, after
and so, we are invoked to pray, to be kind to each other,
beyond good
to live
vectored above
which rhymes with love,
and to pray for rachmanus in judgment.

XV.
So, back to you, who, made me feel teenaged, and wise
at the same time.
You, who embody art, music, science, and live in context
of family, frum, Haredi,
&, although, No,
No, I was not convinced,
but did feeeel so strongly
that this, yes, was worth another look
see
{ if only for the poetry ? }

XVI.
So, to make a long story endless:
if you have had the patience,
while I go on and on
ad infinitum

beware dear :
of failing your homonym,
Laser, that remarkable electromagnetic radiation,
slicing the spectrum of light, penetrating with
or without
pain
or damage,
when focused by ultraHiFUS
to pass through matter, as if
it didn't
to mark or burn, exactly at the level
point, place, intended with little or no
collateral damage
[[leaving no path nor hint of origin.
Indeed another clue//remez to what we call Creator,
and us, G()d's, chosen children! ]]

be aware dear :
of thinking that we humans
can attain anything
other than seeming
infallibility,
or the approach to perfection,
and not perfection
itself .

Remember,
we were created
to prove
the value
of striving,
"no pain no gain"
true, as advertised,
{{ahhh, but when on the wings of angels, shhhush
what a joy in the flying with,
in being imbued, in Being so near to it,
as if suspended, magnetized, polar,
alight, solid as food for its living beauty, taste, form, texture,
emanating, luminous, evanescent,
lighting the fathoms of the oceans
but more . . . .}}
and to think that this 'belongs'
to you, while knowing that all is by the grace of G()d,
Hineini

XVII.
Or maybe it is extra-simple:
that however greater
steeper inclined,
way, laid back,
slips easier, down the slope
albeit
, in the right direction

OR, to coin a phrase, Just Rock&Roll:
& , despite my hesitation
{{even now, in parting}},
recalling your aversion,
not wanting to offend you,
with this caveat,
I will refer to another popular song,,,,
from among the marvelous lyrics
from Joni Mitchell ((& many from Carly Simon---of Simon & Schuster family fame,
not to mention the other Dylan, Bob ; and many other popular 20th century poets)),
Who might speak to you, or not:

"...well you don't like slow women,
you get bored too quick,
& U don't like smart women,
'cause they're hip to your tricks...."

XVIII.
so my dear might have been, or, nevermore,
or, one more time, to be seen,
I stop here,
finally
with this parting salvo: the world is small,
and G()d loves his children, all,

Shabbat Tetzaveh Shalom,

Keren Adam

P.S. tempo, despite or thankful for the metronome, is essential, as part of, or counter-point to subjective interpretation.
Acoustical factors , the space itself, open or closed, the distance between, or intimacy of, the players, the instruments, direction, intensity, the physics of sound, influence the choice of a tempo; but account less for the divergence between different performances than does the performer's own personal interpretation.