Zenobia: Empress of the East: "I Am Not My Body. I Am My Mind" (Updated)

Thank you Judith W for this article:  Zenobia: Empress of the East: "I Am Not My Body. I Am My Mind" (Updated) ... for reminding me of when I met Prof Rita Levi-Montalcini at a lecture in 1975(?).

I was in graduate school exploring the fine structure of inter-cellular "social networking" what I dubbed "neuroecology" a decade later at the Hadassah University Medical Center in Jerusalem , Israel (to the amusement of many colleagues and long before it became a field of study in its own right.

Would I say, looking back, that I had erred by not accepting her invitation to visit her lab at Washington University in St Louis?

No regrets.  I was young and foolish, very much in love, newly married, not to be long apart, and St Louis seemed like the other side of the world . . . .

when everything old, is, also, new again, then

yes, I am distracted, by remembering
the forthcoming
visit
of my dearest 80-something
Professor and spiritual father
(a qualified title which he abhors
, as a life-long atheist,
fair and natural,
as the son of Vladimir Heifetz,
the Jewish pianist composer orchestrator,
and an imperious Russian Orthodox royal
anti-Semite vocalist mother

I thought I'd have a path to bring the voicing
back into science with an idea for an experiment,
an empirical exam that would bring us closer
to the edges of knowing
from the side of trying

Coming to me as if
from above
as much as one can, in such an environment,
subtly,
so that the results emerge from within the data
allowing the conclusion itself
to demonstrate,
to show, if not to (dis)prove

yes, Hashem has given us such great gifts
received with gratitude, deeply grateful
resonance
from knowing that they are
from the Source
Itself

So, into the humming, rumbling,
(or is that my tinnitus?)
future, I go
as a pleasant sostenuto,
how a violin in crescendo
might end a lost symphony,
not a loud cry
but a sustaining tone
resting on a heartbeat
against the wind made percussive
merged
into the mouth of forgetfulness
pianissimo
memory above time
commo ad infinitum

edges of knowing(not); 3months, 1/4 cycle, for T.

Go back to The Garden
where you first saw
The Tree of Knowing
and kept a safe distance

Return again, and this time,
let Adam
pluck from the living wood,
This time let Eve ask 'If' not 'How'
and engage with him,
now knowledgeable man,
in intelligent conversation
while our Omniscient and
All ways loving G()d
is still, within,
hearing,
 reach

Then, when this first couple
know the sound of Hashem,
G~d himself mainfesting//LLVD//manifesting,
rustling the bushes in the Garden
as usual
 towards evening,
When, then they hear His Voice, as if a question:
"Where are you?"
Then both would rush towards
arm in arm
both clothed and ashamed.
Not of their nakedness, but of their own undoing,
not cowering behind cobbled together excuses,
lies, mutual accusations
involving a snake,
But, what if, if even as they sprang forward
begging forgiveness, cowering, not bold,
making tshuva, placing sorrow and errors into one basket,
the first corban, prefect humble
presenting to the Master of the Universe
begging, beyond asking for rachmanus,
for having fallen into the black hole of doubt,
took, plundered!
 when all had been at their fingertips
{so much like we do
over and over
with new love made old
and discarded}

How would it have been, then,
and now!
if not then, but now?
 If
~~~
I will keep the blood red golden hearted apple
the yellow streaks of a simple delicious
gathered into the perfect form
No! Not my imagination,
although it predated Pinterest
and Instagram,
there are a few
digital
images
[[(ask, and they are yours, all that's left
for the apple is gone, not even buried,
but trashed)]]
Then, innocently, it entered my grasp
totally unsuspectingly, me turning over
fruit, while shopping at Supersol
now Supersol Deal, Yashir, and Shel'li

Yet another gift ,
in form of reminder to me
that it was meant to be
and be gone

Easy to think so
to thank you from afar,
as ever, as if forever.

No need to worry
Of course, I'll always love you,
like one of the not-a-songs
that we played as if together

yes, the distance~time grows greater and easier
daily, but for foolish longing

no, I would not expect you to answer
if I wrote,
although as my muse, I still have the earworm
of your niggun
now almost inaudible
envisioning
your fingers on the keyboard
flying, soaring,
magic carpet Like
caressing to carry and embrace
sustained voice
piano keys as wind
instrument,
harplike resonance
no longer watching
actually dancing
in song applaudable

While working late/early: 01:23 in e-talk w Rebbesoul, on the Am Israel Project

when day begins

shall we count time by this clock
or shall we know the day/night as it is?
(un)cloaking our souls? ancient formulae?

Did not star pierced night begin the new day
with a blazing greeting, as the sun descended
in a red purple glory, promise of a new awakening,
carrying into sleep, through dreams,
erev, hours ago from now.

Does not the Earth bow so the Sun may rise
bringing morning light, shachrit,
with its golden red revealing bright
that will obscure the dark with its light,
boker, hours into the future (from) now

so this clock
does have its uses
in counting, between,
what was
&
what will be
from now to now
through then.

so to work
or to sleep
All G()d's Children

Am Israel Chai Project http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=49872076268

A thoughtful anon single's unknowing haiku on age difference in finding one's b'shert (mat{c}h made in Heaven).
his linearity was sound sculpted herein revealing . . . .


Your profile is very nice,
and the photos are lovely.
I wish I were
15 years younger.

To G()d's unborn children. For teamster on FRUMSTER

as if, caught unawares,
the eyes have it, as if
giving way to soul and translucent being
when it is the voice that sings the soul,

and you, faceless
"faceless bureaucrat - picture available?"
if so,
then do
kindly send, to givengett@gmail.com
or make me privy to the password,
(still) protected

for if not for me, then perhaps for another
within a shared domain
for we do know that it is Hashem who makes
a Shidduch, and we, there to be anointed
or to pass the gauntlet

Thank~full. new be(e)ginning

First thanks to Hashem for all, for every kind offer,
opportunity
which I i accept w hope

No excuses, but . . . .
yes, "but" usually does
signal a sea change -
i submit that
My own life has been
like trampoline
jumping,
actually
the physical image is
more like
being
tossed in the air
on a semi-elastic blanket
held taut and raised at
the exact
moment
to ensure maximum height,
fall,
and optimum support.
Four people, strong, thoughtful, responsible, experienced,
...great fun for the child self, as, geometrically generates
all sorts of ways, to be propelled
upward airborne and to land
on the elastic surface
knowing that those corners will not fail me, are being held tight.
In short: faith grows with imagination and experience,
but not always as expected,
or planned.

What, makes, a poet be?

from a-d l-n
to givengett....
date Thu, Mar 6, 2008 at 3:54 AM
subject Nu are you really a poet

wishers , well as we bury our thoughts in the dell and spell out our drams that begin with E...
Can , can that ugly word can will spell our phantoms as lost hours spent dreaming of our place buried upon this firmament tracing fingers using lies to uncover the passions
within our Eyes, so e is my favorite letter tonight ,
do not take fright ,if I say please will it be allright?

AND KA REPLIES

hmmm, she thinks out loud
as if spoken, the words in her head
{like prophets do} too,
or also, wondering
with a certain light reflection
on this question
posed in verse by one
a-d l-n
wit or win?
what do you think of
full identification?

What does one do
to a poet be?
publish or perish
or just write it down?
quote the right sources
and be quoted in return?
join forums, attend meetings
win prizes postings sessions
for sonnets, free verse,
(in) rhyme?

re-connect to an ancient liturgy
join the choir, congregation?
recognize the power of song
spelled out in full?
name names, the antithesis of the McCarthy artist heroes
or to present a series of degrees, displayed,
from the feet up,
standing on one's head
that is,
Jacob's Ladder
inverted
?

sign{s} of life
or of on-going
existence?
a multitude of eeee's,
none, other, none other
than various repetitions
called verse, or rhythm
rhyme
comes from them?

yet thank you for asking,
for the blip a re-making of
my daily microde
song of songs
.
.
Now, one from me:
Please do tell us,
who but an Englishman would employ words 'dell' or 'dram' ?
maybe word-lover, Thesarus--UK version--
hugger?

or thought-tinker, w the H
returned of Hashem,
giving respectful nod to B'tzelem,
Elokim
& the recent,
in Parsha count, that is,
completion of Shmot,
of the Mishcan
Bezalel, part of each of us, joined, elevated,
inviting the Shecheinah to earth,
to return to us,
on to Vayikra
Calling....

or 'take fright'
not !
nortI, no hours dreaming of burial
upon this firmament
rather ponder and explore : who but the creator author
could know, nee these thousands of years ago,
that from earth we were made,
although any common observer knows that to earth do we return
via the smaller crawling worms, insects, and bacteria
which make up 99.99 percent of life
on this planet

and when we go, it is either
with body intact or
in various and sundry pieces
those, only to be made whole again
by the coming of the Mashiach
broken vessel, mended

& I, for one, am awed by the
passions expressed
in the breath
the power of soul
the poet in me outed?

not to compare with the (illusion of the ) eyes
which may say more when closed,
then, give full tribute to their frame,
lids
while breath is vehicle for soul
animate, itself
sign of life
and here, I admit, that I quote
myself

so , to re-call Vayikra
new week and Book
and month, Adar
what from this e-conversation,
might be concluded ?

that beauty is in the eyes, and ears,
of beholder
of
beekeeper, tending that planet wide pollinator
beloved, of G()d
and of those two-legged soul-minders
what we call
human beings
divinity envesseled, kept for awhile inside
an animal body
(some more than others)

anon
time flies
& I am already in debt to this life's
chesbone
Got to pay the piper,
and the rent
or rent, garment or other
tear ables,

thus, to make a long story
endless:
did this
in any which way
answer your original question?
or, say, ahah! to
feel free form of banter
of rephrased
expression
giving respect to rhythm
of sound of sound
gaining meaning
in hearing the
reading or
telling
of
it

or what
and
how
?

hmmm, she thinks out loud

PUBLIC APOLOGY in private

need to slow down

or maybe use my voice in public only for singing

:

What I had wanted to say,
is that I would like to make this a PUBLIC APOLOGY,,,,

then to ask, if I could or should
"CC: the other people who were there,
and your sweet sister
because I'd asked them for help,
no , beseeched their kind intervention.
With special thanks to the luminous Laura~lanu."

WHEN I should have asked her,

"Blessings in all y/our endeavors for all,
for the Good,, , , , ,"
.
shldawouldacouldamightahafta
ifIhad
.
done
.

.

falling off the ray

& then having to dissipate
more
energy

in correcting,

while always having to remember,
that when
traveling at
the speed of light,

what you see is not
what you get,

. .
And the now is then,
as soon as you get it.
got it?
.

worse,

or better
to know that, from the outset,

even before the beginning of the 'start'

that at this rate of movement

approaching the edge of existence
all ways

as we know it,

even the most minuscule error

quickly becomes
tragic

.

ask any driver

after, the accident

.

that's why G()d, Hashem Hagadol

made us so

(in)sensitive

.

so as not to die from pain

of (not) knowing

in real time

as soon as we

could feel
think,
understand
to adapt to
the agony

.
Not in any way to present this as a plea
for the (so-called) "Right to Know"
when It is really a plea for the contrapostive:
The "Right Not to Know"

.

Or , to quote a quote, that has a rather different angle of view
(which means that it opens up, eventuates, in an entirely different,
albeit integrative universe,,,, i.e., if one wants to give the benefit of
the doubt, i.i.e empathic or active listening)
but speaks to my heart and soul,
with all due respect to Marilyn Monroe RIP:
.

"The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see,
we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less."
Arthur Miller Z"L (1915-2005)
,
,
,

dream(ing) on

Moments before Shabbat Vayakhel// for the beauty of united inspired work, to bring G()d's Presense back to Earth, & Shabbat Week ending 01Mar08

,
you take my breath away
soul escaped
depressurized
un-locked safespace
once again

no doubt
it is your brilliant thought
process
the key, your
encyclopedic mind,
ben Torah
B'Ezrat Hashem

pity for us that we cannot live
together
in this world
where there
is no air
let alone
\space, time
or form

nothing to help us
not one another



Shabbat Vayakhel Shalom
working on building Miskan,
inspired, gifted, in unity
achdute
grateful

dogstory, (Major) New Wrinkle, (Taking) Dibs on Eternity,

II. dogstory (Major) New Wrinkle, (Taking) Dibs on Eternity,

so the dog woke me up from a dream
& I hear myself, still lingering
in the REMemory space memory
of a past conversation versed as
electro-organic neural trace,
And I hear your voice,
asking the question,
the one that you called 'the acid test',
'the age-old' one: "Would you want to wake up with her,
in the morning, day after day???"

& before the last question mark floats out
of your mouth
in less than a blink, fraction
of the 250millisecond
gap from thought to
I remember
blurting out,
into what
would-be
reality:
"Wait a minute! That's just the idea!
of why we are here:
considering
holy matrimony,
that sacred covenant,
Taking dibs/ \sbid
on Eternity,
and, not, just
for the first time,
for either of us,
for you
or
for
me, as if it were already
another (re)incarnation.

"On the other hand,
Consider this:
that we,
human beings, that is,
grimace, smile, frown,
while asleep.

"For me, even more so,
because I dream, always.
{No, not what you may be thinking,
about chronic defocus, going off on tangents
'Otising',
vectored off towards
infinity
or not quite recalling
the mail in the car
or where I'd left the hand-rake
in the garden
when I'd de-gloved, to catch
the phone's ringing,
.... although this may also be true,
finding the seed envelope
for the chrysanthemums
leaning on
my favorite mug,
the one
that had 'gone missing'
when it was in fact
vacationing,
nestled sweetly
akume
/near the hedge,
next
to the old
wooden
swing,
exactly where
I had
left them.
Not that; but}
, diagnosed with
REM Sleep
Narcolepsy.

"which effectively, means
that I dream
as soon as my eyelids
flutter shut,
not quite asleep,
still hearing
surround
sound,
gossamer veiled
and
whether that interval
is to be
hours long, cat nap, or quick snooze:
at home, on the train, in class,
maybe tucked in
alone
in the
den,
with my
my favorite
fall asleep book,
under the aged
afghan,
that your
beloved mother,
May
her name
be
Blessed,
had hooked,
in Nantucket,
from the yarns
left in the blue
basket."

Practically, what does this imply?

Instead of sleeping peacefully,
serene like lake, or baby's face,

Horrifying to consider
that our facial wrinkles
will be de-constructed
not just
by conscious actions,
emotions
thoughts expressed
during waking hours

,,,,, if you call all this consciousness?,,,,,

but also by how we REACT
to what we dream,
or think
of
or imagine
or recall
as soon as REM
takes control,
while
it is happening
in real~time.
and me?
I just get
more
of it

Whatever happened to beauty rest?!?

Moving right along,
already considering
how
to
induce,
temporary
coma;

Or, as you said,
another reason
for botox, injected or applied
as cream

Always the chemist,
practical romantic

Art meets Science.
Science meets Art.
Both nod, respectfully,
to
G()d

humbled
by the accumulating evidence
of the long slope leaning
towards
the cliff edge
fall off
called
(im)mortal
i ty

y/ours

~ ~ ~

I. dogstory short morning

going out to walk the dog.
nice of her to wake me,
instead of finding a "present"
she'd left
in the morning

Error correction, FORGIVENESS, Btzelem Elokim

EGADS!!!
major faux pas: to have sent out a draft
(widely, well, important, submissions)
instead of the 'final version'
of a sensitive poem!
...what embarrassment, exposure,
aborted thought published
misconceptions generated!!!!

iNSTEAD OF THIS ONE (to follow. Post-(re-)checking)
instead
of what
should have been said
stated for quotation, trumpeted.

now dog embarrassed,
just missing the tail
between hind legs,
and if I'd had
a doghouse,
that is where
I would have skulked off to.
Again.

O FOOLISH ERROR
Haste makes trouble
beyond waste
magnified by this Internet

CLICK ADDICTION
Too quick dissemination
of what were private thoughts,
'framblings'(c)
playing w fire

oh me oh my
fooled, once more
by my own
limitation(s)
soooo sorry
though,
no one hurt
but me

NOW HOW
to move along?
what to do,
send it again?
what might be called,
'final version'
-- at this moment

OR MIGHT that just ( !! )
evoke more attention
to my public indiscretion
when perhaps no one had noticed,
(unless machmir or yeshivish,
for whom I would lose even a chance
of any further
consideration)

How could I and why?

Simply put:
An embarrassment of riches,
this thinking poetic,
flow
of poesy
now
,apologies,
feeling, lame,
foolish, heavy

now, o now,
thinking out loud,
about damage control

as if , one could revert memory,
to its pristine state
not back to baseline, more like de-creation,
Hah! once it's been cast into neurophysiology,
synaptic connection, transmitter~receptor
de novo fabrication
{Thank G()d there is more immediate
commercialization, in wireless
connections, before aromatic
mediation on the Net}
Could modulate fast(er) with drugs,
severe trauma or brain surgery,
in that order of effectivity!!!
prior to frank lesion, death.

Or, hope springs eternal: the real cure
is Intense Humor!
true laughter
, from resounding empathetic
belly rolling,
unwhorled from the length
of the gut!

This indeed, does cure sooooo much
the basis of Lasting Love,
Btzelem Elokim
Loving kindness
the kind that age's gracefully.

What we pray for
Rachmanus,
over
Din

Please G()d, May it be so,
Here on Earth.

k. adam

new explorations: Rupture or Rapture, or rapture of rupture

new explorations, new explorations

On the same day, as whenever it was,
I 'happened' to fall upon and read Rabbi Dr Haym Soloveitchik's
RUPTURE AND RECONSTRUCTION:
THE TRANSFORMATION OF CONTEMPORARY ORTHODOXY
[Tradition, Vol. 28, No. 4 (Summer 1994),
but, unconsciously, saw the title as
RAPTURE AND RECONSTRUCTION,

thinking throughout

this breathtaking flow of words
that has the rapturous\

hypnotic beauty and impact
of swelling~cresting & ~crashing surf
along the expansive
eastern seaboard of America,

What legacy these vast stretches of fine sand,
[[nothing compared to Australia]]

Not only for the eyes, but the toes
clean white,
nearly crystalline
grounded mineral, from pounding , moon-driven
sea in repetition , over millennia ,
to near perfection
to experience,

and we, present, sunbaked exposed or covered
reverent
reverie, by rhythmic
presence
leaving, humbled,
more footprints in the sand?
briefly,
until the next wave?
crashing or lapping upon the shore

Or, is the signature,
this beach, itself,
grateful, waiting for thesehuman footfalls
sand carried away, and not just between fingers and toes,
but truckloads for mixing into cement
for the next
greatest
ediface
f/or
upon which to present a new paradigm,
up
from
the feet
that walk in step
with Eternity.

With this admission in mind,
From here, I proceed.
~ ~ ~

Lost&Found, relative/ \absolute, new explorations

from the week of Parshat Ki Tiseh//

Honoring the personal , response/ability
in acceptance of The Law, week ending 23 Feb 08

I.

Everything is relative,
U R right
that I tend to leave my computer on
& forget to log out,
it used to close automatically,
but must be a function of the tabs remaining open,
now a sub-routine of a bigger program
that keeps it from closing. kind of like a lingering memory,
something memorized, that stays with you

U R also right, to wonder:
“What governs when you capitalize your nouns?”
I guess you mean outside of the grammatical,
proper nouns, titles, abbreviations, such
but I also imagine that you k/now, already,
so perhaps want to hear it
spelled out.

OK: it is abiding respect for The Boss,
to quote another source, not The Source,
but to exemplify the upper case, usage:
" Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come, . . . . "
which reminds me,

ironie,
that virtually ( ! )
all other faiths re-translate, rephrase the original texts to fit the times, the moment;
while we Jews
precisely rewrite the exact letters,
shapes, words, spacing, form,
{{more leeway in incantation}}
& if there is, even one error
this is enough to deem an entire Torah
pos'l, disqualified, imperfect
simply stated, no good to pray from,
but OK to use as a teaching instrument.

But then we Jews, re- ultra- counter- mirror- super- hyper-interpret
the dickens out of the original text.
&, as a way of coming closer to the source,
to cleaving to its deeper meaning
more introspective, more scrutinized, deeper known to ourselves,
to each other, written out from the Commentaries,
when the fear was so great that dispersal
after the destructionof the Temples,
would mean that the Oral Law, passed from Moshe to Yehoshua, et alia,
during the 40 years of wandering,
would be lost forever,
G()d forbid.

even while some would continue to argue
about the origins, even The Source, the holy names
Hashem, G()d, the Holy Omniscient, Ever- & Omni-Present,
Eternal, Infinite Oneness,, beyond our capability of naming,
even disallowed
(reference the Sefer YetziraH),
& t/herein lies the need for upper case, itself.

As I see it, it is the re-writes of the original text
that generate problems,
lead to innumerable
misunderstanding,
& specifically
because they,
the authors, and their works,
tend to invert the I-Thou relationship
not right-left, between us, but
up-down
[[also relative! except when it is Absolute - -
[[ another simile, or similar metaphor??
is scales of temperature,
i.e., like Centigrade & Fahrenheit
vs. Kelvin's absolute zero; vodka is another ]],
.... IMHO....

& hence I am (& U R . . . .)
machmir//strict,
which includes mechitzote//barriers,
respectful distance, separation, Path of the Just,
shomrim negeiyah//no touching men,
at all

taken on,
on the advice of my male Cohen friends,
{{since, as a divorce, and their Kehuna//priesthood,
we are strictly speaking, off-limits to each other,
so , perfect friends,
and natural to me from tom-boy to scientist,
with a traipse thru the arts, , , , }}

& Thank G()d:
This advice has saved me from deep anguish,
although, to my utter astonishment,
even at this mature(STS) age,
has not kept me
from being
in love's grip of passion!
which re-proved, verified by replication
of results,
that love & passion,
are both,
99% above the neck--
to be clear,inside the head, or mind,
and above that,
floating of the soul.

Love's hope, re-examined...when it looked, so perfect,. Post-Valentine,

from the week of Parshat Tetzevah~honoring Cohenim //
ending 16 Feb 08
now( so-called) & a post-Valentine post, out~loud wondering , in part(s)
I - XVIII ; living alive . . . .

I.
I guess that all that I can say, is : Lovely.
or Lov~Li, My love or love ( is) me.
But still, way too early
to speak of such things,
except perhaps, in summary,
as appropriate, since we are still in the Overturn,
as stated,
with some regret

OR, you may be correct.

Yet, how I do wonder,
how you say you can feel
with your gut (oh yes, no lack of nerve endings)
and, no doubt , even you, have felt the flutters,
despite >2 hours/day in practice & preparation
{{so I wonder, as an aside, what for,
if not for the Now, for the extra mile, then for What?? and When??}}

But, what, indeed?
in Truth, EMES or EMETT,
Based on what we've written?
not even blush nor fiber, admitted,
no blue -- pink
transition
of litmus
paper

But, yet, you plainly state,
that,
you believe ( !! )
with
no other referents,
with

nothing

but these printed words,
as expressive as they may be,
what you de-clare: 'No' chemistry.
.... when it is physics
that you say you admire, and studied?
micro- , electro- , mechanical, astro-
acoustics?

II.
Here! Hear!!
not black on white, but spectral
colour! multi-dimensioned
simultaneous equations,
& the splash of paint,
in sound
captured. . . .

when not a word was formed between us
since we halted before hearing
one another, not a note played,
pity, our ears.

But, again,
if you are so strongly convinced,
then
shall we, yes,
just ,
or not.
Let It Be
done
with

III.
May be, that it is
my error:
enthusiasm exceeeding judgment?
since , if you had not ejected,
when still with toe on ground
aborted the flight,
missed the aerial view,
worth the seeing,
avoided the heights
then,
if, Yes, it might have been me
who might in future find
that I might have to
fake a smile
{{would I?!? could I!?! for shalom bayit!!!}}
IFF, I hated your painting ((G()d forbid)),
and found your walls
were plastered with it

aargh

For me, without even so much
as a phone call,
to hear and gauge each other's voice
the soul's window
the cadence of breath

Pray tell: how can you be so sure
as to blankly dismiss
the very possibility
of an 'us'?
with so much (evidence)
wanting,
so much
yet to explore?

IV.
From another perspective
Consider that
Every day, We say out loud
to ourselves and to G()d
morning after morning, as close to dawn; Shachris:
Thank You for making me a Yehudi
Thank you father Abraham, Avraham Aveinu,
for persisting, so much, that G()d noticed you
above and beyond every other human
who lived and those who had died.
&, Since it is for this reason,
so it is stated: your realization
and breaking of idols, of graven images
that we are Jews,
ancestral chosen,
to covenant cleaving
AMV, Ad Meir Ve'eesrim,
Who would rather die,
than be prevented
from resting
on
Shabbat or Shabbas.

tested, once, and again,
and more often
than one ordinary life
may hope to
endure

V.
and there-in lies the chamsa l'chamsa~
two-hands
in mirror-image
right-and-left held together,
united, a tenor
of the realisation,
a reason in this, our,
understanding:

that no one of us alone,
no single Jew, no matter how much a tzaddik
can fulfill all 613 mitzvote,
For this body of completion,
for that
we each need each other,
and backwards and forwards in time, space,
and form

VI.
and more: the Oral Law:
To live a life of Living Judaism:
To Be T/here,
to Be Present,
to be free to explore
and to be
accounted for,

to hear while you are playing
suffused into the sound's
nourishment
one with the instrument,
getting close to pure vessel
for the Sound of The Music
(pre)conceived
as if
angelic
upon which
Hashem
forged this Universe
with love
with chesed
with intent
Shook Out chaos
parsed its
silence roaring
to make a world
to create us
enlighted by
Torah
called manual of Life,
OEM instruction book

to build us human beings
B'tzelem elokim
balanced Chachma
with Binah
to arrrive at Da'at.
aleph ~ ayin
dancing
Absolute Good,
with the possibility
(shunned , by Free Will)
of Evil

hence to center
Chesed & Gvorah
to arrive
in the middle,
perfect, symmetrical,
harmoniousdynamic,
Tiferet.

Same with Netzach and Hod,
elevated and grounded,
to Yesod,
upon which
Malchute
dor l'dor
inspired, aroused
to fill, shake,
rise, protect
and shelter.
{{ - - deserving more
explanation;
later;
promise - - }}

VII.
OK. I admit, that , yes,
so much of the(your) p'shat
your profiled features
piqued my curiosity,
OK, my interest,
OK, yes,
above many others,
and I loved our initial dynamic
encounter
albeit unbreathed,
an air of excitement,
sparkling with reality,
which , by some of your later remarks,
that I allowed to stand uncorrected,
frankly, an eerror on my part, that
may have been the seed,
wherein//therein
lies your concerns about my unreliability,
Chas vChalilah, Chas vShalom

And the promise of landing,
didn't,
was downed on your side,
by intercedance
before embarking,
by not
taking off.

But, most of all,
above all else

what it was

was about being worthy,
being meant for each other
about The Dream
to be (again, for both of us,)
foreground in
The Continuing Story,
the tikkun,
OLAM
walking the talk
, among the tribes of Yehuda,
Yosef, Levy,
(and Aaron~Kehuna)

Upright, responsible, whole,
soloists, singing,

reliable and on cue
speaking parts,
perfected beings, following the script
in duet
solo
supported
to have you,
My captain! Oh captain!
for our ship
at sea, flying before the wind
or, at anchor, in port,
ever able to soar with art
and navigate
the stars,
with science

United as one with Hashem: a man of G()d and his woman
in (mo0ments of perfection), in covenantal Love
the living Judaism
promise
fulfilled.

But this conclusion,
with no true (attempt at) exploration
let alone discovery!
let alone insight!
shows me my weakness,
Hope
and
how foolish it is,
of me, how easy to be tricked
by what could otherwise
be just a flash of teeth in smile,
or for others, blue eyes, or a perfect nose,
not to be judgmental.

VIII.
Yet, once more and, above it all,
lets me be,
me,
grateful
for having been
born
a Jewess
steeped
in our Judaic heritage
grand-daughter of a blue-eyed Cantor!
famous young uncle violinist
child prodigy
who played for the Tzar
back in the Old Country,
which alas
did not save him.
I never met him in this life .
as he died, typhus
, in the crossing, to America,
one small coffin
a generation of broken hearts
unknown even to themselves
feeling somehow unrequited
while (un)conscious of the loss

IX.
So, from talent to scholarship,
as from the beginning
cleaving to Truth,
shunning the tricks,
the obvious,
the shallow,
veneer, pshat

Our love of intelligence, of the holy mehfarshim,
those learned, of gemmorha, The Commentaries,
living scholars, the mettim waiting, for Meshiach
the reason that Hashem ,
, G()d ,
of all
and everything and more,
Why He breathed Life and free will,
into Judaic Law,
Halacha ,
wrote it into historical narrative, Torah,
levels of organization, analysis
, imbued with wisdom,
filled with clues//remez
hidden//sod
to deceive
the ill intended

X.
included an Executive Summary,
set of Ten Commandments
the entre to all:
a chamsa between Him and us ,
a chamsa, for behaviour
amongst ourselves,

Then, sent us out with a few candles
to Light Unto Nations

XI.
Which proves once more,
that His love of the music,
of the shir l'shirim
recognized by Rabbi Akiva as the single holiest song
recited by women on Friday nights,
while the men go off to daven

that what lives through us,
through our acceptance
and the continuence
that, this is the greatest
joy of Hashem ,

XII.
Though rare, O so rare, is the musician
, Hamelach David...???...HAH!!!...
who does
not fall prey
to his own melodiousness.

So yes, if my vivace or allegro disturb your andante
,,, perhaps it does mean that we are intended
not to exist
in the same,
but in separate
compositions.

If your abstract art, stops,
at the footstool of your piano,
or if, perhaps,
my lento and largoisms(sic~sci)
in
song-of-sound,
fusing with the fabric of the hearing space,
perceptually invisible, but perceptively felt!

Known only to those male musicians
who are meant to know
who it is singing, behind the invisible mechitzsa,
that sound barrier for women
to rely on men

If, this would disturb, rather than enliven you,
[[horrible thought, gives me shivers, put
apart,
so that we would remain
flat surfaces to each other,
in profile, all ways]]

Then, better off on
different continents
even to be actively avoided.

If you think that I move accelerando
when you are trying for ritardando,
then perhaps we should decide
to try a different medium,
to tap out in dance
rather than in type!
as it would be appropriate, if , when , . . if . . .
to test our feet
to test our mettle.

XIII.
. . . Or, maybe, my glimpses, and your description,
are more deceptive, than revealing,
Or, could it be that you have read
just the blurb of 'Pride and Prejudice'?

Yet, , perhaps,
No, always: to give
the benefit of the doubt,
to seek
an alternative
hypothesis:
Might it be something all together different?
that, perhaps,
you are so "laid back"
with a child's artic on a summer day,
enjoying the air
sweetened by the aroma of cut grass,
photosynthesis
exposed to our sense of smell,
by cell
walls broken
, New York State forest,
black humus rich

Might it be , that your incline,
angles you,
not to see straight?!?
. albeit Up,
into the clouds;

XIV.
So, Bless you!

once more

&
not for me or mi,
to say, or see, or si,
since, I am in No Way Convinced
that we are B'Sheert....

Although, I do take the Signs seriously,
knowing the import, of being mistaken,
and that ours is a G()d
of vengeance and din
Who takes not what lightly,
Who is Perfection

Yet Who chose to speak with Avraham, who gave dreams to Yosef
who bargained through Moshe, for our continued existence,
and his brother, the elder, Aaron who lost his sons, not all
Who gave us sainted ones, an arc, a temple in exquisite detail
Who appeared to millions at Sinai,
Who imbued our animal bodies made from earth, adama
with a soul divine, Adam, contained and held, temporarily
Who wrote Torah in holy form, rooted language, above,
to follow, to learn from
to show us how to live Exalted on this Earth
in love seeking in each other
sanctified fulfillment, holy matrimony

Who did return Life to Earth, after the Flood,
an example of forgiveness, forever, after
and so, we are invoked to pray, to be kind to each other,
beyond good
to live
vectored above
which rhymes with love,
and to pray for rachmanus in judgment.

XV.
So, back to you, who, made me feel teenaged, and wise
at the same time.
You, who embody art, music, science, and live in context
of family, frum, Haredi,
&, although, No,
No, I was not convinced,
but did feeeel so strongly
that this, yes, was worth another look
see
{ if only for the poetry ? }

XVI.
So, to make a long story endless:
if you have had the patience,
while I go on and on
ad infinitum

beware dear :
of failing your homonym,
Laser, that remarkable electromagnetic radiation,
slicing the spectrum of light, penetrating with
or without
pain
or damage,
when focused by ultraHiFUS
to pass through matter, as if
it didn't
to mark or burn, exactly at the level
point, place, intended with little or no
collateral damage
[[leaving no path nor hint of origin.
Indeed another clue//remez to what we call Creator,
and us, G()d's, chosen children! ]]

be aware dear :
of thinking that we humans
can attain anything
other than seeming
infallibility,
or the approach to perfection,
and not perfection
itself .

Remember,
we were created
to prove
the value
of striving,
"no pain no gain"
true, as advertised,
{{ahhh, but when on the wings of angels, shhhush
what a joy in the flying with,
in being imbued, in Being so near to it,
as if suspended, magnetized, polar,
alight, solid as food for its living beauty, taste, form, texture,
emanating, luminous, evanescent,
lighting the fathoms of the oceans
but more . . . .}}
and to think that this 'belongs'
to you, while knowing that all is by the grace of G()d,
Hineini

XVII.
Or maybe it is extra-simple:
that however greater
steeper inclined,
way, laid back,
slips easier, down the slope
albeit
, in the right direction

OR, to coin a phrase, Just Rock&Roll:
& , despite my hesitation
{{even now, in parting}},
recalling your aversion,
not wanting to offend you,
with this caveat,
I will refer to another popular song,,,,
from among the marvelous lyrics
from Joni Mitchell ((& many from Carly Simon---of Simon & Schuster family fame,
not to mention the other Dylan, Bob ; and many other popular 20th century poets)),
Who might speak to you, or not:

"...well you don't like slow women,
you get bored too quick,
& U don't like smart women,
'cause they're hip to your tricks...."

XVIII.
so my dear might have been, or, nevermore,
or, one more time, to be seen,
I stop here,
finally
with this parting salvo: the world is small,
and G()d loves his children, all,

Shabbat Tetzaveh Shalom,

Keren Adam

P.S. tempo, despite or thankful for the metronome, is essential, as part of, or counter-point to subjective interpretation.
Acoustical factors , the space itself, open or closed, the distance between, or intimacy of, the players, the instruments, direction, intensity, the physics of sound, influence the choice of a tempo; but account less for the divergence between different performances than does the performer's own personal interpretation.

Love, the might have been

from the week of Parshat Terumah //
ending 9 Feb 08
II.

The gap that was

was filled
as if
by water,

naturally.
with ease.and the grace.of Being
Yehudim.

Something for us to remember,
if not to forget.

For This is no trivial matter,

and, behind closed doors,
in the privacy of home,

I would hope that we would find,
in each other,

all that intimacy that ears, lips, and mouth,
and more

offer in the holy covenant of matrimony
in wanting to hear each other,

the song , the the voice of woman
in unison, for one another
muse, if not exquisite collaborator

in all, in music, which is of course
gift to Bezalel & David,

reaffirmation of love,
itself, an everlasting bond

with HaShem

bShalom

One Voice, covenantal wedded Love

from the week of Parshat Terumah // ending 9 Feb 08
I.
I got the impression of a sea change
between our phone talk & your getting sick
,there was some nature of otherness.
For Whatever reason,
I so hope that this note finds you well.
Blessings for a wonderful week.
Just returned from the third Sheva Brachote
of the loveliest young couple,

Maya Kunin & Yanky Reisel
uniting the families of

Dr. Joshua & Janet Kunin of Zichron Ya’akov, Israel
(my adopted family)

and

Rabbi Yehoshua & Rochelle Reisel of Miami, Florida, USA

I was blessed to stand among the unanimous
who said and say, with One Voice,
We are ecstatically happy, about this union
and, auspicious blessings with hopes of yet
another splendid week passed, and ahead,
Shavuah tov tov

Love lost, not abandoned, Hope Eternal

from the week of Parshat Yitro // ending 26 Jan 2008

I feel too often Too
to think about your namesake,

about why we are here,

no: I would not tell you.
but continue to wonder

what did we learn, one from the other
about caring, tenderness, separation,

need
yearning
and if this passion, shomrim negeiyah, was Lovee

Yehudim, bnai Ya'akov, Am Yisrael
scattered over the Globe,

seeking our soulmates among our
constellation of nations
to once again, feel whole,

uniting sparks, once dissociated

& I gaze out my window to devine:
how did we lose each other?

I slip into Chumash and read the parsha,

the Torah portion,

of son, Yehuda

chosen from among the twelve brothers

to father

the progenitor of Judaic royalty

Malchute

Power and Responsibility taken on

with the Rights of
ring, stamp and garments,
Given, unknowingly, as if in hypnosis,

to the beautiful woman on the street,

not knowing it was Tamar, his, twice widowed daughter-in-law

, who clung to knowing ,
from binah&chachma=da’at, as per prophesy
She, brave, determined, em~brazened,

need to be daring, to take her place

in history, rather than
remain forgotten

from among the worst of nations,
So as to trick the evil one, who in fact

did miss this moment,
carrying the good seed,

that would be our beloved King David,

But, he, that devil,

seemed to make up in vengence

what he could not do simply

straightforward

Would (have) we together, been,
the two of us, emerged from among the hidden,
high profile, glorious, what a promise!
extracted from the gutter, an accident of fate,

bad, worse,
avaricious, lustful, heavy with gratitude
for the love of G()d,

and each other.
would we have made the good, better,
winners by faith and by being
, United
?

just that

With the help of G)(d,
turned back that tide of evil counsel
made right, made tshuvah, tikkun!
Elevated the weary, the doubters,

the ill-intended.
we both knew that,

once decided,
having made the turn,
the clock could be and is reset

and was,

to a small extent

yet: instead of calling, and stating, clearly,
my answer: YES!
I whisper into my pillow, night after night
hearing the sound of your voice
as if from a great seashell
smoothcast, held to my ear
one that I'd collected,

cold, but not wet
after a meal of conch fritters
with a gin and tonic
facing The Complete Angler
with Jeanne Macdonald
Bimini, Bahamas
nee these many waves of years
past gone white sand
moving shore
now polluted dock
of condominiums

sold

I feel the one,
Two
hearts
alive,
now awake,
parted
but not un-united
nor memorex something other

as if there is, but one day to celebrate, Love

APOLOGIES FOR THE HIATUS~unavoidable, yes,
like death, & taxes,
both of which came to bear,
two funerals, two courts,
still alive,
moi, I,

Belated introduction:
Optimistic realist , Hashkafat pratistist(sic)
outgoing introspective poet~songstress
celebrating Bezalel's art, David's song;
Zionist scientist, EcoMinded communicator.
bizSch grad (11/06), Loving the world's gifts
from Hashem, seeking her soulmate b'sheert
husband partner.
& me, independent of spirit, but I love shiurim
by men, by and among women,
and other very social involvement,
chesed projects, kiruv,
then there is the art, music, song~poem
to be shared behind 'the invisible mechitzah...."
so, I would want to be, not only tolerated
{{I shiver to just write this thought}},
but loved, respected, admired, invited,
involved among the ladies of the community,
Yes, references available upon request! :::
Heads of Ohr Ya'akov Yeshiva, my chevreusa partner,
others...more, from the aspect of science, physics,
perception

Thoughts: On who's the one?

To recently widowed friend, who started dating

I am sorry dear friend, but you talk about these women
as if they are still profiles on your laptop screen:
flat, 2Dimensional, with no scent, no timbre
or like you’re describing one of your newest synthetics:
excited but academic

Or maybe, that's just how I hear it,,,, from afar...
& to think, I was worrying about you being lonely!

How is this? as a hint, remez:
**Think C h e m i s t r y**
!~!simultaneous equations!~!
%*^#! explosive mixtures%*^#!
>>>>exothermic reactions<<<< style="font-style: italic;">do you keep track of them all?
remember their names?
electronically,
with the camera option?

And, what ever happened to one at a time?
not , One-A-Day, like vitamins
Or, is it still too soon, to be thinking about marital bliss ?
or not,
already past the 1-year yartzeit...

So, in light of your confusion,
glad to see that you're not rushing
to get hitched
so fast,
just yet

And, How close are your 'kids' to seeking out a mate?
Alas, these young yidden are in no hurry
to tie the knot
Yeah, pity

OK: Keep It Sweet & Simple:
get back to basics, KISS:
Go to "My Reasons for Marrying."
"Why I wedded in the first place."
Why I chose my screen-name,
SoulMateSought!!!!

Here's an idea: a bioassay:
Let me count the ways:

~ Who is the woman in your dreams?
The one you have in your mind’s eye,
while you're still lolling in bed,
in the morning,
purring to yourself,
warm, between the sheeets, thinking
about awakening up,
together, with some sweet words
passing from your lips
to hers

~ Who do you want to grow old with?
I've heard that kissing improves with age
like other organics, good wine and cheese

~ Who do you see smiling, over your shoulder,
when you look in the mirror
And you flash back a smile
in return?

~ Who sparks your imagination,
not just your repartee,
beyond clever conversation over crudites
& toasted bread?

~ Who inspires you to carry on?
prods you on to greatness? gets you up
helps you along,
when you're tired or down ?

~ Who comes to mind
when you make that breakthrough?
contractual agreement signed,
distribution deal finalized,
or one of your chemical discoveries!

And when, you want to celebrate,
do you think of her favorite restaurant
, maybe where you had your first date?
Maybe leave earlier from work,
to stop and buy that flowering plant,
the one you know she'd love to place in the garden corner,
because she told you that it 'needs' a littler color
& the water
from that leaking gutter,
shouldn't go to waste.

~ Who do you picture Erev Shabbat,
bringing in the challote?

~ Who do you see thoughtfully
imbibing your d'var torah,
betweeen songs,
and singing?

~ Who is she who learns and teaches?
who volunteers,
shares to encourage,
to sooth,
not to self-aggrandize.

Think man! Not trivial!
Not about teeth that need caps,
not about orthodonture,
laser eye surgery,
thinning hair and hairy hats!

It ain’t about that.
but it could be
about the books she's read
about the causes she supports,
the work
that she does
because
she
loves
to

Or, here's a good one, for your
own psych profile:
when she's fretting over a new wrinkle,
will you cock your head and think 'Old'
or will you cock your head the other way,
glad to remember and recall
the good times and your shared smiles?
& Thank G()d for the time together,
and tell her!
and give her a
real kiss
lingering
looking in her eyes
grateful.

‘Sess out how she likes your kids:
Does she kvell about their accomplishments?
Is sad with them when they play hard,
but the game was lost, nonetheless?
and same goes
for you, too.

not every day will be a winner,
'though there's always reason
to thank G()d
and each other.

Or is her first thought, sniffing around
about redecorating the house?
Where will you vacation?
or, that gorgeous bracelet
she saw at Harry Winston?

Full Stop.
Deep breath.
Who, is the next, Love of your Life,
together ?

The one you want to nestle
into the chambers
of your heart,
not only in the nook of your arm
but to inveigle into every corner in your home
into every room in your house.

The one you want to see, when you turn into the drive,
standing, between lintel and jambs ,
glad you've both arrived
at about the same time
looking forward to
your evening
alone
with one
another

Yes, hard to face
after, all this,
After your own dear,
sweet marriage
the death of such a loving wife.
You know
that I
know too,
that
it was so
for me
as well

I admit it,
now, in light of day
Billy, my First Love,
who died so young,
even harder now,
though so many
years have gone,
still feeling that pain;

and that 2nd problematic love,
now legally ended,
Thank G()d
for at least that

HERE'S ANOTHER IDEA: Make a free running list,
with the rhythm of your heart,
the light of your soul,
as in
, , , wondrous feeling, deep caring, covenantal love,
husband&wife, true best friends, snugglers
confidantes, student<~>teacher<~>student
learning together,
hunched over instructions
or a manual written in China
breaking new ground,
lovers, impassioned, comforters,
teamplayers,
trusting, fully wholly open and shut,
loving her aroma, drawing in her scent
crying together, daubing each others
eyelids, gently, removing spectacles
and ending up laughing or sobbing
in each other's arms,
enjoying her thought from all angles
and straight on:
not only husband&wife, but true best friends,
impassioned together
about the concerns that matter
global warming, Jews in poverty,
food distribution, nuclear fusion
confused with fission.

from all angles
and straight on:
not only husband-&-wife, but true best friends,
confidantes, always learning, from each other's love,
lovers, (com)passionate,
holding together,
trusting the other,
fully,
from all angles
and straight on:
{{and again; and again; gathering
more momentum }}

HERE'S ONE MORE:
~ Whom do you envision growing old with?
and enjoy the thought
of walking on the beach
in flowing white robes,
and pray for it to happen,
counting the weeks
the tic of that Eternal Clock
ad meir v'esrim
AMV